I. Yo. Rebecca (remarknj
) and I are having a competition leading up to Alpha, the better to go completely insane and stumble onto or into a train, plane, or water main the day we have to leave, ranting and raving in a horrifying display of girlish lunacy. That is to say, we have agreed to amass some 28k in writing between the two of us by the 14th of July.
II. Accordingly, we're each going to write 700 words a day on our respective novelly projects, which is admittedly a fairly puny and diminutive amount until you take into account the fact that I am about to start work on Monday. (To give a point of reference, the last time I started work for the summer, I found myself sleeping away my entire life. This is chiefly because of the fact that work is a known minor demon and deeply enjoys sneaking up behind you and putting worms down your shirt until you notice some indeterminate time later that your chest is looking awfully squirmy, and then they turn out to be actually bloodsucking caterpillars of death and the legs pop out and suddenly they have spiracles full of your perfectly good plasma the better to donate to a good cause.) This count may go up if it seems appropriate to all parties, i.e. me.
III. But, you say, what is to prevent us from just sort of doing the usual writer slouch thing and failing to finish those words? I mean, 700 words might not be much, but look, you know
writers. You know what they're like! Well, in fact, there is a way, and the way is called PUNISHMENT. Yes, you heard me right, and here is how the punishment works. (Yes, it is possible that I am using these roman numeral section headers basically at random, but can you prove
anything? I didn't think so.)
IV. The PUNISHMENT is as follows. First of all, for any day that I don't write my 700 words (to be proven, in email, to remarknj
each day), I must obtain for her a present, to be brought to Alpha and distributed under the public eye so that all are aware of my failure and humiliation! (Alphans who will be present this year, you are all welcome to spectate). And second, if she doesn't write her
700 words, she must get a present for me
, same deal.
V. Presents. Lest all this get out of (or too well into) hand, the limitation on presents is as follows: first, no bought present may cost less than $1 or more than $5. Second, no made present may take less than an hour or more than five. Third, no lifeforms, not even if they're really awesome and especially not if you made them yourself. Fourth, no two objects representative of fail may be the same, because, really, no two fails are the same. Rationally speaking. Fifth, no gum.
VI. This is a glorious plan and can in no way fail, backfire, cause the end of the world as we know it, etc. Accordingly I have made an internet table OF GLORY to represent its awesomeness, and if you disagree with me on this count, well, you suck. June
July 1 - 5.
|Ebeccarey|| 706 || 758|| 769|| 722||729|
|Yours Truly|| 774|| 776|| :(||760|| 769 |
*shut upJuly 6 - 10.
|Ebeccarey|| 743|| 718|| 749|| it is a holiday dammit|| 742|
|Yours Truly|| 710|| 752|| >.O|| yes for me too!|| 1884*|
|Ebeccarey||735 || 726||766||823|| |
|Raquel|| 743 || 796|| **|| 737|| |
**I am totally applying half of that 1884 here, take that!
VII. General-purpose prohibited: cheating, laziness, having a break, ducking out, running away to Antarctica (do you know how hard it is to find $3 presents in Antarctica?), murder, extreme sports over highways, contacting extraterrestrial lifeforms in an attempt to bargain your way out by way of insanely futuristic technology, tantrums, decaf, fleeing to a town without bookstores in the hopes of making your brain melt so far that everyone agrees you are incapable, conjuring up large winter storms (be classy, thunderstorms are seasonal), demonic visitations, etc.
By contrast, a random assortment of totally over-the-table activities: blackmail, bribery, lying, whining, bargaining, abusing younger siblings as outlet, abusing younger siblings as experiment, abusing younger siblings to demonstrate Timothy Zahn-style practicality or lack thereof in action scenes, overcaffeination, sleep deprivation, lunacy, reading Heinlein, etc.
VIII. Your words are due before the other person wakes up the next morning. Or else.
ETA. Some amendments to the rules, due to internet mayhem: either words must be turned in, by email, before 4pm of the following day, or else you may, if unable to email, provide a time-stamped screencap etc. of your words, ditto before 4pm. Also this chart is probably not getting updated until Alpha time, because SOMEONE has no internet. (<3)
ETA II. We totally pwned at this, but I don't think I have the wordcounts anywhere easily accessible, so you will just have to take my word for it! And indeed, lo, Rebecca gifted unto me a fabtastic bag and I inflicted three (really awesome) books on her. So there.